Funny! 5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do
Even funnier for me since I just watched this silly Bruce Willis flick this past weekend.
Nothing like portraying the notion that our society or the world is on the brink of total collapse and annihilation thanks to the evils of pissed off sexually repressed computer nerds lurking in basements.Just proof that Hollywood is being run by a bunch of young, clueless, unimaginative
hacks who simply have run out of ideas thereby stretching imagination to the breaking point.
Shit we already had the Jetsons with moving sidewalks and flying cars and Star Trek with molecular transport and warp speed technology in the 60’s and Laser Light weapons and Jedi powers starting in the 70’s.
So why not have computer hackers who can rob our economy blind and can make all street lights turn green at once. Seems like a logical progression to me, Right!?
Sphere: Related ContentWorst Offender: Live Free or Die Hard
What Happened:
The movie’ villain, Thomas Gabriel, and his band of hackers are so good at hacking that they’ve gained the powers of an all-seeing and all-knowing God:“OK, I want you to hack into that traffic light and make it red. Good. Now, I want you to hack into Kevin Smith’ basement and physically move his webcam around the room. Now, hack into the brain of that fighter pilot and get him to shoot missiles into the middle of a busy freeway.”
Hacking is to this movie what magic is in the Harry Potter stories: plot-hole spackle. All the gaping cracks in logic between scene A to scene C can be neatly smoothed over with the mystical power of hack. The improbability reaches critical mass, though, when the bad guys hack into the natural-gas lines near a power plant and make them spontaneously explode under the streets.
Why It’s Ridiculous:
Look, we acknowledge that Bruce Willis movies take place in a universe where every object is teetering on the brink of spontaneous detonation (see Armageddon, wherein the bolt on a valve handle breaks, causing an entire space station to erupt in an enormous fireball). Still, if natural-gas safety precautions were so poor that entire city blocks could explode via broadband modem, we’re certain the guys at 4chan would have done it by now.In Real Life
Gabriel would make his insane demands to his hackers who, in turn, would snort derisively and call him a n00b. An hour later, 30 unwanted pizzas would turn up, mysteriously ordered under his name from Pizza Hut’ online order form, while the hackers giggle and high-five each time the doorbell rings.
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July 14th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
This doesn’t exactly fit but I’d give it an honorable mention anyway.
The abysmal remake of Ocean’s 11.
What Happened:
Don Cheadle sets off an EMP device which turns off the power to Las Vegas for a few minutes.
Why It’s Ridiculous:
If such a device did exist, they’ve just convinced the American people it’s no big deal. Who cares about a three minute blakcout, right?
In Real Life:
Assuming one built some kind of EMP device to pull this off (or more likely detonated a nuclear weapon in our atmosphere) everything circuit is permanently fried. All the people underground better start climbing. Stuck in elevators? Ditto. Chaos in Las Vegas until the police and various casino security forces everyone in the city onto the streets to fend for themselves. Meanwhile, the economy of the country takes a huge blow. Ocean’s 11 are hunted by every Western law enforcement agency in the world and jailed for life.