By Mrs. Snoop

Recently, I was sent an email with a link to the pictures (slide show) of a young Atlanta gentleman’s elaborate (and expensive) proposal to his fiancé. It detailed the trouble and expense he went through to ask this young woman to marry him. He saved and planned for over 2 years (according to the internet lore) even moving in with his sister for 6 months. The end product involved renting 10 rooms at the Ritz Carlton, hundreds (if not thousands) of tea light candles, hundreds of roses (many of them hand dipped in gold leaf) and most of the family and friends of the two young people. She was surprised by it all, and it was beautifully taped as she went from room to room, reading what he’d written and being prayed for by every group of people she found in each room.The woman who sent it to me is a beautiful 40 something year old black woman, who has been single for 18 years and frequently bemoans her single state. I sent it onto my sister (also in her 40’s and single) and a few married women. The reaction to this young man’s efforts were divided directly in half, with the two factions being in two camps; married women and unmarried women.

All the unmarried women were mightily impressed. They were moved to tears. They sighed, pined, and wished. And they vowed to wait for a man who loved them like that.

The married women, however, were not impressed. To a woman they all reacted negatively in some fashion. One friend of mine pointed out that her FIRST husband (the one who cheated on her repeatedly and treated her with massive disrespect) had proposed to her with her father’s permission, with lots of cost and public display involved. Her 2nd and current husband’s proposal was spur of the moment in a car, alone together and after a fight; “So, I guess this means we shouldn’t get married? You wanted to marry me?! Of course! When? Next month!” Two beautiful daughters later, she will tell you that the man who spent all that money and time proposing peaked at that moment,. He only went down hill after that.

I personally thought this young man spent his money unwisely and probably did so for some less then romantic reason. But hey, what do I know; he may not be gay or desperate and she may not expect this kind of extravagance from now on.; However, I wouldn’t want a man to put on such a show for me. I’d doubt his sincerity (and gender) if I were wooed in this way. I dated millionaires and was “chased” by several men. The man that won my heart was not overtly romantic. Rather, he was real. He showed me he loved me, all the time, by being there and caring. He did not act like a woman with a penis.

I think that far too many women believe in Cinderella and Snow White. They have read the romance novels. And they believe that true love will prove itself by these public shows or romantic love. It is no wonder to me that women who buy into those versions of love are so often alone, or at least disappointed by men. They want a fantasy man – who will read their minds and love them in ways they can only imagine (and often do).

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe that true love makes sacrifices. No marriage or relationship can work if it’s too one-sided. But men, real men, are not women. They do not sit around crying over romantic commercials. The men who do cry that often/much are usually gay. Real men show their love by doing things like mowing the lawn, coming home after work instead of hitting the bars, putting dirty underwear in clothes hampers and not the floor, and rubbing a tired back once in awhile. Gifts are bought by thoughtful husbands. But the truly thoughtful husband (or potential husband) doesn’t spend the cost of one year’s rent (or mortgage payments) on a night of showy extravagance.

To me, this young man (who claimed God told him to do all these things) was afraid he’d not get a “yes” if he didn’t go “all out” for this young woman. And maybe he was/is right. Apparently there are women (grown women in their 30’s and 40’s) who want Prince Charming, and will not tolerate anything else but extravagant shows of affection. If a man has the patience and money for such displays, he might find women lining up for that princess treatment. But for all the women who are alone and hating it, here’s a hint; you may want to be more realistic. Mr. Perfect is waiting till he finds Ms. Perfect. And odds are high that you aren’t perfect. You may be perfect for some NORMAL man but you are liable to miss him if all your are doing is looking for that knight in shining armor.

I don’t want to be a princess. I want to be myself. And I want to be loved by someone who is real – not acting some part. Because for love to last it must be real. The people who want gifts and violins all the time aren’t going to like it when reality hits. . And even though this young man showed how much he loved this young woman by making a public show that was worthy of a Super Bowl half-time event, I have to wonder what he will have to do next to show his love? Has he, as my friend said, “Peaked” already?

My parents were married for 54 years and were soul mates of the first order. Dad was as romantic as any normal male; that is to say that he was not sappy. But he did cry, usually in private, with emotions too strong for verbal expression. He did not put his love or romantic side on display. They were too real and strong for that kind of crass exhibitionism. Just as the Bible counsels the wise to do their good deeds without public acclaim, so too should true love not require public displays of emotion or extravagant gifts.

My good friend Joe recently married my other good friend, Sharon. He IS a card carrying millionaire. Sharon will want for nothing that money can buy. And their wedding in Sante Fe was probably one of the most expensive and romantic ones I will EVER witness. And Joe had NOTHING to do with planning the details. He left that all to Sharon’s able hands. Joe will be a faithful, loving, devoted and attentive husband. But, like most heterosexual males, he did not give a fig about the details of planning the event. Does that mean he isn’t romantic? NO. However, he’s a MAN. A real one. He loves Sharon as much as any man can love a woman. But he’s not going to prove it Sharon by first proving it to other people. He’s too secure (AND MALE) to need that kind of help!

It is no wonder that the high-maintenance unrealistic women who hold out for the high romance kind of fantasy love evidenced in this internet piece of fluff do not find real love. They want a life that only exists in movies and books. It’s a scam. The people who want a proposal like this had better be ready to be married to a gay man, a pussy whipped man, or one who cheats on them.

Want true love? Find a real man! Learn how to spot them! Here’s a hint; they will NOT be dipping roses in gold leaf!

This entry was posted on Monday, October 15th, 2007 at 8:03 am and is filed under Society, Womens Issues, relationships.
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