This is an informative and humorous post from The Anti-Idotarian Rottweiler.  If you are not familiar with this scam you need to look deeper into it.
But the bottom line is folks Gore is free to fuck up the environment as he sees fit.
However instead of reducing HIS energy consumption he “buys” these freaken carbon credits from others. It’s just over the top retarded and again incredible hypocritical.
If it were any other dude nobody would give a damm but now that he had received an academy award for his bullshit movie the gloves are coming off. But he need not worry there are millions more working class stiffs like Chris who will kiss Gore’s global warming ring no matter how much is he exposed as being a fraud.

***

While perusing an article about Hannity nailing the GoreBot for his rampant hypocrisy when he’s traveling all over the world spewing CO₂ like it’s going out of style while demanding that the rest of us quit breathing in order to save the polar bears, I once again came across something that makes me laugh like a deranged hyena every time I run into it.

You see, the GoreBot’s propaganda ministry promptly “rebutted” by claiming that the Inconvenient Moron “maintains carbon neutrality” for his jet-setting by buying “carbon offsets.”

So what are these “carbon offsets”, and why do they cause such enormous mirth in His Majesty’s daily life every time they’re mentioned?

Well, to answer the first question (and the last, really), they’re a scam that would have made Ponzi himself feel like a rank amateur. Not that the Enviroloons came up with the idea, they actually stole it from the Catholics of yore. Back then, they were called “indulgences” and, for a “modest” fee, you could buy instant forgiveness for any and all of your sins. Just confess (it’s good for the soul), let the kindly father ring up your tab, pay the fee and you were as pure as the driven snow again.

Let’s explain how the modern Indulgence Scam works: Let’s say that you own a business. Somewhere, somebody will be happy, for a “modest” fee of course, to calculate your business’s “carbon footprint”, which is a number describing how much you’re despoiling the virgin body of Mother Gaia with your wicked, capitalist ways. Now let’s say that you’re exceeding your “quota” by, say, 20 Kt of CO₂/year. That’s bad. You evil, WICKED Zoot!

Not to worry, though. Somewhere else in the world someone else is 20 Kt below his quota, so all you have to do is to pay that guy another “modest” fee to “purchase” his “carbon credits” and hey, you’re once again a True Friend of Mother Gaia! And somewhere in the Turd World some guy is very happy because some rich jerk just paid him a fortune to sit on his arse and NOT produce anything at all. No, this doesn’t make the CO₂ you’ve been spewing disappear, so other than making some poor sod very happy about the windfall that just landed in his lap, everything is exactly the way it was before, but don’t you feel better already? You will, once you get over the sudden feeling of being a World Class Shmuck and, what’s more, you get to impress throngs of addle-brained liberals with your sudden “carbon neutrality.”

Sweet deal and, as with any other scam, His Majesty wants his part of it.

So here’s the deal: I herewith form a business that will produce gizmos, doodads and thingummajigs. Producing each of those will create approximately 8 tonnes of CO₂, and I plan to sell them for $50 a piece. Here’s where you come in, oh Conscientious Worshippers of Gaia™. For every $60 you drop in my PayPal account, I promise to NOT produce one gizmo, doodad or thingummajig, which will allow you to spit out the 8 tonnes of CO₂ that I would otherwise have “polluted” the atmosphere with, all without increasing your “carbon footprint” one iota!

And don’t worry about the legitimacy of this scheme. I’ll produce, at my own expense, a certificate with the signatures of two witnesses stating under oath that I did NOT produce the gizmo, doodad or thingummajig that you just paid me not to produce, thus handing over the 8 tonnes of CO₂ credits to you.

Hey, it’s an offer so good that you cannot possibly refuse it, right?

Hurry up, supplies of products that I won’t be producing are strictly limited and will be sold on a first-doofus-to-fall-for-it, first served basis.

***UPDATE:*** While I’m busy sitting around producing nothing and expecting to get paid for it (and thanks for all the ideas and kind offers to help getting this brilliant scam Sustainable Gaia-Friendly Business Venture™ started, I’ll be getting back to you), I just discovered yet another way to earn carbon credits that you can sell to gullible patchoulistas out there: Plant trees! It’s like this: By planting a tree, you’re “sequestering carbon” which, obviously, creates even MORE juicy “carbon credits” that you can sell off at premium prices.

Yes, yes, I know, it sounds too much like actual work to be worth doing, right? That’s what I thought too, until I read on and found out that, once I’m done planting about a 1,000 trees or so (let’s start small so as not to be greedy here, not to mention that I don’t much care for getting my soft hands dirty), I’ll form ANOTHER company, Imperial Bonfires Inc., which will be chopping down trees and burning them off so the neighborhood kids can come grill sausages and make s’mores (for a fee, of course). Now, the beauty of it is, obviously, that chopping down trees and setting them on fire creates a LOT of CO₂ so, in order to prove my Gaia-Saving Creds and earn even more “carbon creds” that I can sell off, I’ll offer to NOT chop down a tree if the Birkenstock-wearing Buttinskis of Berkeley pay me a whole lot of money which, again, will provide them with “carbon credits” to “offset their carbon footprints”, whatever the Hell that means. Beautiful, isn’t it? The silly buggers will be paying me TWICE, and I’ll get a whole lot of trees for the grandchildren to build tree houses in.

Hmmm… Speaking of “sequestering carbon”, that gives me another idea. I’ll exhale into Ziploc Bags™ and promise to keep the CO₂ in there sequestered. For a price.

The possibilities with this Indulgence Scam are endless, I tell you!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 27th, 2007 at 2:00 pm and is filed under Global Warming Bullshit.
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